The Great Evaluation

A Royal Affair

Thu, 02 May 2013 22:21:00 -0400

I put this movie in my Netflix queue on a whim, thinking that it was some vaguely boring BBC drama which would make good background noise for filling papers or something. Boy, was I wrong.

This film was the most compelling I have seen in a long time. Most movies I watch, I check the time about thirty minutes in to decide whether to quit or push through to the end. With this movie, I had the same feeling I did as a kid when Simba’s father was dangling over the edge of that cliff and Scar was leering over him. Oh. My. Gosh.

Everything about this film from the acting to the music to the camera work was mesmerizing and the result of true craftsmanship It’s one of those movies where everything is ornamental and luxurious and bathed in golden light, except this movie was actually interesting! Even when the characters discussed Voltaire and Danish politics I was entranced (and I am not a Danish politics kind of girl.)

After I finished watching wikipedia-ed the move and found out that it had been nominated for an Oscar in the foreign film category this year. It certainly deserved the accolade.

As you may have guessed by the title, this definitely isn’t a family film, although personally I didn’t find the scenes for which it earned it’s “R” rating particularly gratuitous in nature. Enjoy!

Mirror Mirror

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 02:14:10 -0400

The original trailer for Mirror Mirror looked awful.

A mish-mash of Julia Roberts looking terribly miscast as the evil queen, Nathan Lane acting extremely awkward, and the dwarves delivering gems such as, “Snow White? Snow Way!” made me want to actively avoid this movie. It didn’t help that on Rotten Tomatoes the critics were split and even those who liked it weren’t exactly shouting it from the rooftops.

I finally rented it at Redbox, mostly because I wanted to use my new Blue-ray player, and quickly discovered that I had been completely mistaken. Some fairly witty dialogue is sprinkled throughout the movie, even though none is showcased in the trailer. And honestly, Mirror Mirror is worth watching for the costumes and sets alone. If you’ve seen The Cell or The Fall, you know that director Tarsem Singh uses saturated colors to make his shots more visually arresting. In Mirror Mirror you get to enjoy the production value of Singh’s vision without experiencing the creepy story lines of some of his other films.

Furthermore, Armie Hammer and Lily Collins do a terrific job carrying the story. They demonstrate great chemistry and Hammer especially gives an effortless performance which involves reversing some traditional gender roles. All in all, Mirror Mirror is a terrific movie.

Sinful Colors Professional Nail Polish

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 03:07:51 -0400

Revlon, Loreal, OPI, Salley Hansen, Orly, Nicole, Spoiled, Milani, Bon Bons, Nutra Nail, N.Y.C, Essie, Wet N’ Wild, Maybelline…if you can name a brand of nail polish, I have probably tried it at some point in my prolific ten years of polishing my nails.

One of the few that had stood out is Orly simply because they are clever enough to put a rubber top on the nail polish so you don’t have to resort to biting it with your teeth. That being said, Sinful Colors is by far the best value I have ever gotten for my money. It’s thick, shiny, glossy, doesn’t leave weird streaks on your nails, wears very well, and only requires one coat.

Even better, it usually costs $2! Last week it was on sale at Walgreens and it was $1. So far I’ve tried unicorn (yellow), cream pink, amethyst, let’s talk (purple-not sure what the correlation is there), and ruby red. I cannot recommend this nail polish enough.

The Adventures of Tintin

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 21:58:37 -0400

Today I would like to recommend a film that bombed at the US box office: The Adventures of Tintin. It’s based on a series of comic books by a Belgian man and children in other parts of the world were raised on these stories. He’s like their Encylopedia Brown, only he has a dog named Snowball that can communicate, he has his own apartment, and his enemies are a bit more sophisticated than Bugs Meany. When I first heard about this film, I thought the animation looked strange and that it had something to do with Rin Tin Tin. On the advice of a movie buff, I Red-boxed Tintin and was absolutely stunned.

It’s directed by Steven Spielberg and produced by Peter Jackson and contains the most stunning animation I’ve since since Rango (also a terrific movie.) Not only that, but it contains the single greatest chase scene I’ve ever seen in any movie. It was like an M. C. Esher painting, combined with a jigsaw puzzle, combined with a kaleidoscope, all at super high speeds. Throughout the film I was charmed by the voice work of Jaime Bell (Billy Elliot) as well as the moments of true thrill created by a compelling narrative. (Every now and then my movie companion would shout, “GO SNOWBALL!”) I can’t recommend the Adventures of Tintin enough.

Chik-fil-A: Banana Pudding Milkshake

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 20:46:00 -0400

If you love banana pudding, but always end up thinking to yourself, “This would be so much better through a straw,” then this is the dessert for you. I received a coupon for a free shake while at work and immediately planned to go straight after I punched out. ”Wow, you don’t waste any time,” my co-worker jibed. ”I’ve been waiting my whole life for this,” I replied wistfully. Just kidding…(I’m not kidding)… The shake has real ice cream, bits of banana (but not too many,) cookie crumbs (but not too many,) whip cream, and a cherry. Like all Chick-fil-A shakes it goes down smooth and creamy and beyond the powers of most people’s imaginations. While drinking it, I wished that there were an awards show for desserts. The banana pudding milkshake would definitely win best “limited time offer.”

Mistress of Rome

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 21:28:00 -0400

I’ve been a fairly avid reader ever since I got into the Boxcar Children around the age of 9. Something about them drinking milk in what amounted to a metal shed seemed incredibly rebellious to me somehow. Over the years, I’ve picked hundreds of books off the library shelves by judging them by their covers and reading about three sentences. I usual quit about 80% of them within the first 10 pages. 10% I finish, but find myself entirely underwhelmed. Roughly another 9% are good, solid reads that I enjoy or, at least, can appreciate. But then there’s that 1% that just blows my mind. Mistress of Rome by Kate Quinn falls squarely into the latter category. The books takes place in ancient Rome and involves star-crossed lovers (or are they?), the gladiator arena, and a sadistic emperor. I thought the book had the absolute perfect amount of description, character development, and plot development as if each detail had been lovingly laid out by the author in a perfect literary collage. After finishing the book in one night, I wrote to Quinn to tell her I was a huge fan and she responded graciously within 48 hours. I would probably not recommend this book to your grandmother as it can be somewhat racy and rather violent at times, but for anyone who loves a great story or the historical fiction genre as a whole, I can’t recommend this book enough. Quinn also followed her debut novel with a second book (actually a prequel) called Daughters of Rome which is also worth reading as well.

Glade Carpet & Odor Eliminator

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 22:37:56 -0400

I had just moved into a new apartment and liked everything from the carpet to the tiny dishwasher to the well-lit computer nook. So imagine my dismay when I opened up one of the closets and it smelled like a retirement home for the Borrowers. Naturally, I tried Febreezing the smell which simply added a cranberry layer to the scent of geriatric socks. My next step in the process was to Google home remedies. Some random person suggested that the filtered charcoal used for fish tanks would help. It didn’t. I also tried dousing the closet in baking soda which didn’t work either. At this point, I was starting to think that the closet smelled even worse then when I started. That’s when I discovered Glade Carpet & Odor Eliminator. After just a few minutes it got 90% of the smell out and my apartment smelled like the kind of home where kids are treated to Lunchables and Toaster Strudel. I can’t recommend this product enough.

Temple Grandin

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:14:35 -0500

Usually “feel-good” movies involve sports or cartoon characters and/or poor cinematography. Temple Grandin the movie, just like actual woman, breaks the mold. I’m not a person who particularly enjoys writing snappy plot summaries, so I’ll just tell you that the film stars Claire Danes as Temple Grandin, an autistic woman who has trouble connecting with people but who can understand animals in a very special way. The director uses flashes of images, drawings, and imagination sequences to demonstrate how someone with this condition sees the world. Everything about this movie is sublimely executed and Danes’ performance is absolutely superb. I can’t think of a single person I know who can’t find inspiration in watching the depiction of this woman and how she overcame countless obstacles to find her niche and impact the world in a powerful way.

Sophie's Revenge

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:00:05 -0500

I think that if we’re all honest with ourselves, we can admit that we are in the dark ages of American chick flicks. After all, The Holiday was good…six years ago. Awhile back I was perusing Netflix when I happened upon an Asian movie called Sophie’s Revenge. It stars Ziyi Zhang whom you might know as the main girl in Memoirs of a Geisha and Hero. This was her first comedic role and she absolutely nails it. The plot arch is somewhat predictable but it’s done so stylishly (think Asian Scott Pilgrim but with a comic book instead of a video game) that it’s a real treat to watch. Honestly, this movie is worth watching for the costumes and interior decor alone. Be forewarned: expect some ridiculous slapstick and hijinks which may result in guys liking this movie just as much as the ladies.

Chaps Jeans

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:58:52 -0500

My relationship with Kohl’s is complicated, but the one thing that keeps me coming back
are Chaps jeans. I’ve owned $20 jeans, $100 jeans, and everything in between but these are definitely the best for my one quarter Italian behind. They have just the right amount of stretch and height. I actually fell asleep in my jeans the other day which is about as common as a solar eclipse or the Bears going to the Superbowl or me eating gyros and not regretting it. They’re about $50.00 when they’re not on sale, but since this is Kohl’s you just have to wait them out. I recently picked up a pair at Goodwill for $6.00 so you can find them floating around if you keep a lookout. Pictured Above: I always sit like this when wearing stiletto boots.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:44:00 -0500

My shoes named after living creatures: my Grasshoppers, my Kangaroos, and my Bear Paws.

The Moth Radio Hour

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 00:39:00 -0500

If Public Radio stations were desserts, Michigan would be a slice of heaven from the Cheesecake Factory. While other NPR stations can’t stop talking about basketball, baroque, or banking, Michigan focuses on cultural and human interest stories. They have a program called The Moth Radio Hour that showcases a wide range of story-telling talent: they have everyone from cops to immigrants to British geneticists. One of the first stories I heard was that of Aimee Mullins who humorously shares the process of becoming an awesome amputee. If you’re looking for something fresh to listen to, this program is a great option. The Mullins story is about a quarter of the way down the page. http://www.prx.org/themoth

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 22:49:40 -0500

About a week ago I was dying my hair black (sorry mom) (and grandma) and an hour later I looked at the sink and noticed that I had dripped dye onto it. If you’ve ever used hair dye before you’ll understand that my first thought wasn’t, “I wonder how to get that out,” but rather, “I wonder how much I’ll get charged for that.”

I tried my usual go-to of rubbing alcohol with minimal success and then on a lark I tried the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. In seconds, the spot of dye was completely gone. I momentarily wondered if I was hallucinating from all the chemicals I had put on my scalp, but no, the product really is that good. I originally used the Magic Eraser to white my Mac keyboard and it worked like a dream then as well. According to some random Internet article/my experience cleaning hotel rooms you can also use the sponge to remove scuff marks, whiten tennis shoes, and clean grout.

$3.99 for a 4 Pack at Target (They may be sold out.)

Conclusion

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 18:31:01 -0500

Update: Dear Readers, I wanted you to know that I stopped keeping my blog current in part because taking pictures of normal food with a standard camera can be tedious and in part because I now hate shopping at Walmart. Not only are the service, lighting, and acoustics poor, but now they have installed TVs at the end of aisles that make you feel like you’re in Minority Report.

Overall, the Great Value brand was edible (with the exception of the refried beans), but the flavors didn’t always blend smoothly. I would like to recommend the Meijer generic brand overall. In nearly every case, it tasted as good, if not better than the leading brand. For instance, their pancake mix is the best I have ever had in my life. Target’s brand is good, but not exceptional. (I do recommend their beef jerky/cheese combination.) Kroger’s generic brand tastes like dog food. Their instant oatmeal had a regurgitated flavor and their brownies didn’t even look like brownies. Furthermore, when I contacted Kroger about their grossness, I received nothing but a generic reply. This is in stark contrast to Meijer who contacted me merely because I didn’t give them full points in one category of their store survey.

I would also like to say that given how much time and research I do on products (not to mention how many returns I make each year) I would like to keep making general product/media recommendations. I’m going to try to keep them semi-gender neutral, but you can always use my suggestions for gift options as well. When I find things I like, it is usually based on texture, comfort, design, color, and originality. Price also matters, but it isn’t my main focus given how rigorous my other criteria are. If the aforementioned things matter to you, then stay tuned.

Sargento vs. Great Value

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 21:07:00 -0400

Round 22

Price Comparison: Sargento Provolone: $3.38

Great Value Provolone: $2.68

Test: Given my love for cheese, I figured pitting Sargento provolone against Great Value provolone was only natural. Unlike gummy bears, cheese is not my expert field. I have never taken a class discussing cheese nuance and all of my cheese comes in what the French consider to be “body bags.” Even so, I will say that Sargento tasted absolutely delicious. Its blend of flavors was perfection. The white cheese flavor transported me back to my grandma’s kitchen where my job was to shred for pizza. I pushed and pulled on that hunk of cheese until I was rewarded with a cheese nub I could pop into my mouth.

Conversely, eating Great Value was like licking the Stinky Cheeseman. Salty. Salty. Salty. The cheese lacked both character and finesse. Not only that, but the pull tab on the pack seemed inadequate to keep the cheese fragrance in. I don’t know about you, but I prefer my strawberry jello not tasting like underarm. Another discredit to the Great Value cheese was that it had weird, brown dots like the beginnings of melanoma.

Sargento also had more of the dry, crumbly texture which is more authentic according to Wikipedia.

Conclusion: Sargento wins!

Score: Leading Brands: 12 Great Value: 10

Hungry Jack vs. Great Value

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 18:54:20 -0400

Round 21

Price Comparison: Hungry Jack Pancake Mix: $1.78

Great Value Pancake Mix: $1.57

Test: Salt, butter, and attitude is what I tasted when biting into the Hungry Jack pancake. My mind instantly flooded with memories of depressing Saturday morning cartoons, melted chocolate chips, and pancake hangovers. I appreciated the taste, but the pancake seemed so heavy. Furthermore, when I first bit into the pancake I tasted the slimy wetness indicating the pancake had not been cooked through all the way. It was like licking a slug trail.

I cooked up another Hungry Jack pancake and waited interminably this time. Once again I had the same problem of batter goo. Thus, I coined the Hungry Jack Pancake Paradox meaning you cannot cook the inside of the pancake without overcooking the outside.

The Great Value pancake cooked perfectly. I wish I had the skills to post a time lapse so that you too could revel in its fluffy magnificence. The texture felt like substantive angel food cake, a cranny-filled pillow ready to lap up puddles and rivulets of syrup. It also had no pretentions of taste as the flavor was a blank slate ready to be painted upon in shades of chocolate and banana and cream cheese.

Conclusion: Great Value is the winner.

Score: Leading brands: 11 Great Value: 10

Great Find: Key Lime Pie Dessert Cup

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 16:05:00 -0500

If you like lime and you enjoy relatively low-calorie, yet decadent desserts then you will love this Great Value product. It’s not ice cream, but rather a substance with far more mysterious properties like the treat version of Flubber. (And yes, I apologize for referencing that movie.) On top are small pieces of white chocolate, followed by cold, creamy lime. The bottom is layered with marshmallow cream and a crumbly crust.

The most controversial part of the dessert is the marshmallow. While I appreciate having multiple textures, this one seems like overkill and distracts from the magnificence of the lime. Overall, this dessert is an 88 cent hidden gem that satisfies the sweet tooth.

Cool Whip vs. Great Value

Sun, 30 Jan 2011 19:09:03 -0500

Round 20

Initial Comparison: Cool Whip: .98₵

Great Value Whipped Topping: .88₵

Appearance: As with the wheat crackers and potato soup, Great Value looked yellower (that’s totally a word -check it.)

Smell: Same.

Texture: Same.

Taste: The generic Great Value tasted clean, pure, and crisp like a particularly tasty cumulus cloud. In contrast, the name brand Cool Whip tasted like a toasted marshmallow, but not that good kind. It tasted too sweet and too cloying more like a game of chubby bunny resulting in the Heimlich than a delightful dessert topping. Sometimes I can vaguely tell which is the name brand before I reveal them to myself but this one completely caught me off guard like walking in on someone in the bathroom or finding out that your sister was an accident.

Conclusion: Great Value wins!

Leading Brands: 11 Great Value: 9

Jello vs. Great Value

Sun, 16 Jan 2011 00:26:00 -0500

Round 19

Initial Comparison: Strawberry Jello Brand: 52₵

Great Value Strawberry Gelatin: 38₵

Appearance: As usual, the name brand directions seemed designed for the visually or cooking impaired which I appreciated. In terms of the actual gelatin, Great Value looked a bit cloudier.

Smell: The scent wafting from the generic Great Value Gelatin was that of a strawberry cliché. Its competition smelled more powerful, zestier, and with a stronger dose of magic.

Texture: Same.

Taste: They had they same taste, but entirely different amplitudes almost as if Bill Cosby himself had thrown in a dash of fun into the Jello. Remember running through the sprinkler on a hot summer day, jumping over the spinning contraption, slipping, sliding, rolling and reveling? That’s how Jello brand tastes. Great Value tasted like the having one of those kiddie pools, the kind that turned your grass brown.

Conclusion: Jello wins!

Leading Brands: 11 Great Value: 8

Dole vs. Great Value

Fri, 31 Dec 2010 19:00:00 -0500

Round 18

Initial Comparison: Dole Mandarin Oranges in light syrup: 62 ₵

Great Value Mandarin Oranges in light syrup: 86 ₵

Preparation: Rinse off lids and open cans. For some reason, it took five times longer to open the generic Great Value can than the brand name Dole one.

Appearance: The Dole mandarin oranges appeared to be glowing fruit jewels of light, full of robust, gleaming beauty. The competition looked sad and saggy as if it had consumed one corn syrup martini too many and was sorely feeling the effects. I wanted to jump into a swimming pool filled with the Dole oranges whereas the Great Value Oranges, with all its strange foreign material floating in the syrup, looked like someone’s leftover bathwater.

Smell: They smelled similar except that Great Value smelled more can-ish.

Texture: In this case, the name brand oranges felt supple and perfect, exemplifying how a mandarin orange should feel. The Great Value oranges felt as mushy as they looked.

Taste: Upon biting into the Dole mandarin orange, I felt I was transported to a tropical oasis where only the finest in canned fruit is served. Fresh. Clear. Citrus-magic. Conversely, Great Value tasted like metallic and stale like Monday morning or standing in line at the post office.

Conclusion: Dole wins!

Leading Brands: 10 Great Value: 8